The Trouble with Love
Originally published as “The Trouble with Love in the Modern Age” in The Greeley Tribune, February 17, 2024.
Cupid looks at modern love with some questions at Morgan Floral. Photo/Stacy McCloud.
We date using an app,
we meet using an app,
we order dinner using an app,
we communicate using an app,
and when we are done with all that,
we break up using an app.
In a world that is changing more rapidly than at any other time in history due to technology and modern-day inventions, inadvertently and unavoidably we are sacrificing so many parts of humanity that are at risk of forever being erased from history. In short, human interaction is becoming extinct.
I met my husband while I was slinging drinks in a neighborhood bar 20 years ago. The establishment rarely saw a new face and most patrons had been regulars of the bar for so long that they’d seen the first microbrews introduced….And rejected them.
He waltzed into the seedy joint with two friends in tow. Not particularly liking the looks of these new patrons, I tacked $5 onto their pitcher of beer in hopes of a quick visit and an even quicker exit. Times were different. The three men sat at their table sipping from their mugs, undoubtedly talking about the unwelcoming bartender and the inflated price of the beer. No cell phones were present. It was an organic meeting.
Stacy McCloud’s family getting ready to celebrate 2024 Valentine’s Day dinner. Photo/Stacy McCloud
It’s not Valentine’s Day without the chocolate-covered strawberries. Photo/Stacy McCloud
From my protected perch safely behind the bar, I watched the beginning of many relationships. I watched them grow and bloom with many patrons. I poured drinks bought from one side of the bar, then sent them over to the other side of the bar. I witnessed several first kisses and plenty of breakups and had the privilege of watching some of them even go on to marry and start families.
Those beer-guzzling regulars kept their flip phones securely stuffed in their pockets and seemed to be bothered if ever they rang. That was 20 years ago when just over 60% of Americans owned portable phones. These phones were just used as tools and served purposes other than for entertainment. The bright blue soul-sucking screen had not yet been introduced. Humanity was thriving, meetings were organic, and the biggest dating dilemma was whether to meet someone at the gym or church.
So, this leads to the questions I have today. Is love still in the air? Where do today’s singles go to meet and mingle in a brave new world where convenience seems to be our most coveted intangible resource?
November through Valentine’s Day is reportedly the loneliest time of the year for singles. Cupid’s arrows are dull, and his aim keeps missing its mark. In the last decade, meeting a partner online has challenged more conventional methods of finding romantic relationships. Just wait….There’s an app for that!
“The Perfect Man.” Photo/Stacy McCloud
Apps make big-time bucks based on our collective desire for convenience. With apps to wake you up, apps to watch your calorie intake, apps to meet your fitness goals, one to feed your cat, an app to start your car, another to take photos of the Amazon driver dropping off your package, an app to buy and deliver your groceries, and one to control the heat in your home—the only question is why wouldn’t we want and need an app to find us a partner?
These days, it seems people are more likely to find “love” through apps and websites. But which is the best dating app? That too offers a challenge—eHarmony, Match, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingle, Facebook, Tinder, Grindr, Farmers Only, or Zoosk to name a few. One must choose which they prefer to subscribe to knowing that a basic dating app membership lands north of $20 per month. According to Statista.com, in 2019, over 46 million Americans subscribed to dating apps. This year already that number has surpassed a whopping 60 million. Essentially, Americans spend on average one billion four hundred forty-four billion dollars PER YEAR on their electronic devices (that 97% of us now own) trying to find love.
We date using an app, find rides to meet each other using an app, we meet using an app, we order dinner using an app, we communicate using an app, and when we are done with all of that busy work, we break up using an app.
We live in a world of lonely people looking for their other half, yet dating has become inconvenient. The lost art of dating has left singles trapped, running on a hamster wheel of solitude and bad encounters that seem to have no end. They’re left with unsolicited photos from some dirty Richards popping up in messages. Yet, life goes on while they’re swiping to the left and swiping to the right. Filters hide our biggest insecurities, and effort seems to be lost. We are losing our humanity and our ability to communicate and socialize.
Stacy McCloud’s family getting ready to celebrate 2024 Valentine’s Day dinner. Photo/Stacy McCloud
Mobile devices are everywhere! Most Americans no longer have a landline, can’t recognize a rotary phone, and are downright confused at the sight of a phone booth. We all rely on smartphones to text, talk, browse the World Wide Web, and often conduct business.
The smartphones that we rely on today are a relatively new invention. Smartphones didn’t always recognize our faces, take high-resolution photos, browse the internet effortlessly, or facilitate video chat with friends across continents.
The year 2000 brought us the first camera phone, and in 2001, the internet and cell phones collided, paving the way for a smarter smartphone.
More to the point, Steve Jobs brought us our first-generation iPhone in 2007. With the advent of this affordable super technology, 9 million Americans had this miniature computer in their back pocket within the first year of its release.
The App race was on! Apps were being created for absolutely everything. Having trouble waking up in the morning? There’s an app for that! A stranger will call you when it’s time to wake up. Interested in the supernatural? There’s an app that will help you communicate with the departed. For the extremely bored and disturbed, there’s even an app for that—it’s a pimple popper app.
Our devices seem to be morphing into another phalange, forever attached to our hands, destroying our vision, causing intellectual lethargy, and creating poor social skills. We need a screen timeout. We need to put down our phones in public and look around. Disengage from Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok and smile at a neighbor passing, open a door for someone, help someone else load groceries in their trunk, and buy a drink for the person across the bar. We spend too much time with our noses in our phones, missing those fleeting, organic meetings.
Love is missing its opportunity, and that is the trouble with love.
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